I had no idea I'd be getting a masterclass in dropping a habit I didn't even know I had. 🔥 And as a giver, I'm confident you have it too.
🔥 Learn the habit you're gonna drop like it's HOT. 🔥
And how easy it is to start feeling more calm.
Today.
It all starts with....
A flashback to 26 kindergartens on a field trip to an animal shelter.
4 chaperone parents. (Anxious, as always.) A school principal once told me -
"It's like parents think they're doing it wrong if they don't worry". 😉
🪄 And one magical teacher 🪄
Truly.
Her name was Suzanne.
God I loved her.
Everything that poured out of her felt like magic -
her voice, her hand motions, her energy.
Calm. Centered. Confident.
She exuded it.
I would have paid to bottle her magic up and carry it with me.
And this next statement of hers was just as magical.
It's a phrase that has saved me from bad relationships
and from making heartbreaking mistakes
And her magic words
We were at a local animal shelter.
As we transitioned from one activity to the next -
kids were milling around, others leaving to use the bathroom
When a kid swooshed out the door, a little upset.
Mom, who happened to be a chaperone, walked out the door after him.
If I'm being frank - I paused.
🤔 Are they okay?
🤷 Should I do something?
🚸 Stay here with the other kids?
Just then another mom quickly got up
said something about checking on the mom and kid who left the room
and swooped out after them.
That's when Suzanne said the words that still echo in my head.
Without missing a beat, she calmly, confidently and and matter-of-factly stated:
"That was a little rescuing."
That's it.
She just named it.
"That was a little rescuing."
I just stood there.
Her words had a way of throwing me off center and on center all at the same time.
"That was a little rescuing."
She seemed simultaneously
irritated + calm
annoyed + non-judgemental
all at the same time.
I don't know how she did it. She was able to possess all the feelings at once, with no judgement or shame. And could just name the situation:
"That was a little rescuing."
Not all givin' is good.
That phrase has stuck with me for over a decade.
As a giver, just like you, I LIKE to give. I enjoy:
☀️ Making your day brighter.
👀 Seeing things in you that you don't see in yourself.
🦋 Reminding you that you are bold, powerful and beautiful (because you are).
Yet, I know there are times when I'm giving from a place that's less than whole.
A place of:
😨 Fear
🙀 Ego
😱 Survival
Times when I'm scared about an outcome - so I give. And give more.
Moments where I want something in return - so I give. And if I don't get what I need, give more.
Encounters I feel (or perceive) are life or death - so I give. To survive.
And at the end of the interaction, that kind of giving always feels like crap.
It drains me. And somehow I end up giving more. And more. And more.
If you can name it, you can change it.
Suzanne gave me words that bounce in my head to this day.
When I feel myself giving - but not the good kind -
I replay the animal shelter scene in my head.
And hear Suzanne's simple statement
"That was a little rescuing".
It gives me enough pause.
To act.
Instead of react. To give out of choice and love -
Not out of fear and obligation.
You don't need to rescue someone.
It's not your job.
In fact, as any good teacher knows...
When you cushion someone's blow, more often than not,
you're robbing them of their learning.
And that pains me.
Maybe more than anything.
Because the reality is...
I've never actually met someone who needed rescuing.
I don't have to cushion people from the world.
Or their choices.
Or themselves.
It's not my job.
And it's not yours either.
So the next time you seek to "give".
Pause. Hear Suzanne in your ears.
Ask yourself.
Am I rescuing?
If yes, follow up with
"Do I need to?"
You don't need to ask yourself all the "whys"
You don't need to go into "change mode" and fix yourself.
Today, just bring awareness to your actions.
Because...
Awareness holds the seeds of all change.
Just notice.
If you're in my email community, hit reply and let me know how it felt to just notice when you rescue. It's so powerful to be witnessed. If you're not in my email community, let's go! You belong here. Pop your email address in below.
You got this. I promise.
All my love for you,
Ashley
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